Drunken HALO Ramblings

Extracts from an Instant Message conversation which veered dangerously into speculation over a HALO film, inspired by this, and spawned these observations/ideas from me.  Without the context of the conversation most of these won’t make much sense.
I was/am slightly drunk.

- Raymond Conlon says (01:43):
Formula for great movie: An extraordinary character + his family getting killed + seeking revenge + going to incredible means to acquire his revenge X fantastic music = Great Film.
- Raymond Conlon says (01:48):
Interesting. "Master Chief: Earth…. Earth is gone.." "…………… General, alert the fleet: we’re going to the Covenant’s Home World"(cue HALO music) OH YEAH OH FUCK YEAH. See? Revenge!
- Raymond Conlon says (01:49):
Yep. But I’d like to see some…. improvements, you know? Not a carbon copy.
- Raymond Conlon says (01:50):
I’d just like to see the soldiers with a little bit more advanced/impressive tech.  And the Master Chief maybe using that suit’s, you know, obvious superhuman abilities.
- Raymond Conlon says (01:50):
Oh my god! The Master Chief just outran a warthog!" Etc etc
- Raymond Conlon says (01:57):
Anyway, back to HALO… What I’d LOVE LOVE LOVE to see is some kind of duel between an Elite Commander (The yella ones) and the Master Chief with ENERGY SWORDS. None of the knocking off eack other crap, but actually locking the swords together, pushing against each other.
- Raymond Conlon says (02:00):
"You would dare to wield a holy weapon against it’s makers? (activates own energy sword) With true mastery, witness my defeat of you, Demon!" This or other horrible dialogue will be satisfactory.
- Raymond Conlon says (02:00):
I’m telling you, it’d be American Awesome!
- Raymond Conlon says (02:01):
But I don;t know: maybe they should just remake the first game.
Unless the Reach story is REALLY good
Is it?
- Raymond Conlon says (02:02):
Lots of Spartans would be nice to see, with good ole’ master chief front and center
- Raymond Conlon says (02:03):
Who’d play Sgt. Johnson (is that his name? I forget.)
- Raymond Conlon says (02:04):
Ok. Chris Rock?
PERFECT
- Raymond Conlon says (02:04):
ha ha
Just get the voice actor
I think the Master Chief should be CGI or partially computer rendered.
- Raymond Conlon says (02:05):
TROPIC THUNDER Robert Downey Jr? Ha ha
- Raymond Conlon says (02:06):
I’m thinking…. but all I’m getting is "oooo, potentially seen as being a bit racist"
- Raymond Conlon says (02:07):
As long as there is SOME kind of Orbital drop from space involving a Spartan/Master Chief, I’ll be happy with the choice of actor.
- Raymond Conlon says (02:10):
Adam Sandler voicing the MC?
- Raymond Conlon says (02:10):
WHAT?
- Raymond Conlon says (02:11):
A black MC?
- Raymond Conlon says (02:11):
I’m sure the original voice actor could be persuaded to come back…
Sure, we won’t be seeing his face.
- Raymond Conlon says (02:14):
His albino, bald and vein-strewn face
He ain’t the prettist in the bunch.
- Raymond Conlon says (02:14):
But he makes up for it in his raw, ass-kicking appeal.
- Raymond Conlon says (02:15):
Whatever happens in the first film I don’t think they will/should add the Flood.
- Raymond Conlon says (02:16):
Need to keep the MC’s victims confined to non-extra galactic organisms for the time being. (Yes, I read a bit of Halopedia and, what do you know, the Flood do not originate from our galaxy!)
- Raymond Conlon says (02:18):
I like the Flood but they can have the sequel.
- Raymond Conlon says (02:19):
Because the first film HAS to end with some kind of Energy Sword duel or near enough.
- Raymond Conlon says (02:20):
Sgt Johnson is British
- Raymond Conlon says (02:20):
The voice actor, David Scully, is

Twitter: Favourites (3)

 neilhimself At dentist’s for cleaning. Reading magazines in waiting room. It looks like Hilary Clinton is the democrats’ only hope for the presidency.5 minutes ago from twidroid

 Glinner Many shocked that new ‘Terminator’ flick is bad. Isnt this like finding a slice of bread in the attic and being surprised that it’s stale?about 9 hours ago from Tweetie

 warrenellis@xenijardin I usually refer to you in memos and documents as "Platinum Ovary Beast." Was that wrong?about 24 hours ago from twhirl in reply to xenijardin

 McKelvie Not enough people are licking @warrenellis. He really likes it, you know.1:37 PM May 23rd from Tweetie

 swierczy Had an epic dream last night featuring everyone I’ve ever met or known. Yes, you. You were in it, too.1:11 PM May 23rd from web

 Templesmith DICK CHENEY- Missing link between Man & Arsehole? ( Yes, I got that from Bill Maher.)11:06 AM May 23rd from web

 richjohnston Why in the fantastic titles to DEXTER does he shave, yet remain all stubbly?10:16 PM May 22nd from web

 nickjfrost Not many people know leonardo da vinci did a topless version of his most famous work called the boner lisa. Very racy for the time.10:13 PM May 22nd from TweetDeck

 stephenfry Bizarre QI tonight. The screen behind Alan failed so he and Bill moved to my left. Most odd. But all seemed to work well.9:58 PM May 22nd from Tweetie

 ten_bandits My brain is so dead, it could barely run five BNP members.2:30 PM May 22nd from Twitterrific

 Glinner The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing people to let the Catholic Church look after their children.1:51 PM May 22nd from TwitterFox

 phil_lunt@struthersneil @raymondconlon find a spider to suck up, too.They’ll be well chuffed to find an easy meal…once they’ve recovered, obviously12:20 AM May 22nd from PockeTwit in reply to struthersneil

 struthersneil@raymondconlon Suck up some dust after each one to ensure they don’t just crawl back out. Otherwise all you have is a tube of angry moths.11:46 PM May 21st from TwitterFox in reply to raymondconlon

 struthersneil@raymondconlon It has come to lay its eggs in you. Fluttering all sporadic for miles and miles with that single thought in mind.11:30 PM May 21st from TwitterFox

 andydiggle Asked if Dredd would ever become Chief Judge of Mega-City One, John Wagner replied, "No-one wants to see a movie called DIRTY HARRY’S BOSS."10:12 PM May 21st from web

 jamesmoran Dear fat bee: after smacking head first into the glass door 5 times, GIVE UP. Behind you?? Flowers and shit. Go and pollinate, dumbass.12:43 PM May 21st from TweetDeck

 alandavies199,009 words. Finished. No more. Got to edit it a bit and trim it a bit but that’s it, hand it in next week…12:36 PM May 21st from web

 ten_bandits@edkaye Exactly. Too much sci-fi takes itself FAR too seriously these days – no wonder half the mainstream thinks poorly of the genre!12:39 AM May 21st from TweetDeck in reply to edkaye

 edkaye@ten_bandits Agreed, Sci-Fi SHOULD be fun, and this movie was a great reminder!12:36 AM May 21st from TweetDeck in reply to ten_bandits

 teamsmithy"Your mouth holds amazing possibilities."8:30 PM May 20th from web

 Gary_Joe Wafflestar Galactica #filmfoodeating8:30 PM May 20th from web

 raymondconlon Hotdog Soldiers #filmfoodeating8:18 PM May 20th from web

 raymondconlon South Pork, The Baketrix, #filmfoodeating8:16 PM May 20th from web

 raymondconlon Bread Dragon, Bite Club #filmfoodeating8:13 PM May 20th from web

 raymondconlon (and I recognise beer as a food, just to let you know!)8:09 PM May 20th from web

 raymondconlon Bar Wars: Attack of The Scones #filmfoodeating8:08 PM May 20th from web

 raymondconlon Supperman #filmfoodeating8:06 PM May 20th from web

 elguapo1If there a staring contest between the guys at my gym and a mirror, the mirror would lose.7:36 PM May 20th from Twittelator

 GreatDismal The future will one day be the present and will seem as unimportant as the present does now. –W. Somerset Maugham7:21 PM May 20th from web

 StephenAtHome did you know that "democrat" is only two letters off from "demon bat"? coincidence?6:39 PM May 20th from web

 warrenellis Having one of those "maybe I should jack it in and write porn films" days. Except I don’t think porn films are actually written anymore.6:32 PM May 20th from twhirl

 warrenellis RT @xenijardin: In Sp, I asked customs guy (w armed guard) why new procedure. In Eng said "To improve corruption!" he replied cheerily.4:17 PM May 20th from twhirl

 elguapo1I love how readers can’t tell the difference between actual real hatred and racism and sarcasm. Not my fault that it’s over your head.7:39 PM May 19th from web

 warrenellis Retweeting @reidsan: @warrenellis me? I’m a criminology student. I hope to become a proper researcher one day, or alternatively, Batman.7:19 PM May 19th from twhirl

 StephenAtHome had a dream last night that I met chief justice john roberts. funny thing is when i woke up i was in bed with samuel alito.6:46 PM May 19th from web

 joe_hill I mean, look, it’s a juiced up, complete reinvention, loaded with fighting and sex. It’s Sherlock Stark, Tony Holmes.6:19 PM May 19th from web

 andydiggle> @ivanbrandon They should have gone the whole hog and got Jason Statham to play Sherlock Holmes. "The game’s a-fuckin’-foot!"5:44 PM May 19th from web

 budgie Paxman to Clegg on Newsnight "When do you want reform? You’re like St Augustin and Chastity. You want it, but not yet…"10:47 PM May 18th from twhirl

 rickiep00hI had Malt-o-Meal rice krispies for breakfast!9:12 PM May 18th from web

 Glinner RT @phlaimeaux a friend saw Brokeback Mountain in India and they’d cut all the gay stuff out, leaving a 45 minute film about sheep farming4:41 PM May 18th from Power Twitter

 jamesmoran Sarah Connor Chronicles cancelled. Fuck. Loved that show. And yet Ghost Whisperer and Smallville get renewed. Smallville?? WTF?11:31 AM May 18th from TweetDeck

 theisb ANSWER: All of them, as I’m the only one who would ever in a million years get a reference to BOWFINGER.1:07 AM May 17th from web

 theisb QUESTION: How many references to Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy’s BOWFINGER can I use in a script without anyone getting them?1:05 AM May 17th from web

 rejects "The way to a woman’s heart is through her parents… Have sex with them and you’re in." (via @Zapp_B)12:31 AM May 17th from Tweetie

 McKelvie Not so much burning the candle at both ends as placing it at the centre of a nuclear explosion.10:57 AM May 16th from Tweetie

 edkaye Still waking up, which is worrying because I have cycled to work, and been here for 30 minutes. Must learn how to nap while cycling 5:04 PM May 15th from TweetDeck

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Twitter: Favourites (2)

JoeQuesada What does Brian mean by clean out my desk and go home?4 minutes ago from web

ten_bandits Holy poo, 6000th tweet. My customary millennial apologies to you all, and the usual hollow promises to make the next 1000 more interesting.14 minutes ago from TweetDeck

warrenellis Right. 11pm. Let’s see if I’m actually going to get to do some writing tonight. (cracks knuckles) (scratches bum) (bats lice from beard)about 24 hours ago from twhirl

theisb@TheOtherJeff Batman forgives you, for Batman is love.8:01 PM May 12th from web in reply to TheOtherJeff

TheKJA Star Trek: Magnificent.10:39 PM May 9th from web

theisb "Where Scores the Silver Surfer!" #StanLeePorn3:59 AM May 4th from web

warrenellis If you live in Scotland and you get swine flu, your life expectancy actually goes up.8:32 PM Apr 28th from twhirl

warrenellis Adult film industry invades swine-flu decimated Mexico, converts empty homes into sets, establishes the pornocracy of Sexico6:26 PM Apr 27th from twhirl

theisb (even more awesome because Storm Shadow sounds like Mojo Jojo)6:18 PM Apr 26th from web

DrewAtHitFix There is a fucking "Nanny McPhee" sequel being made? With real actors? Tell me how many faces I have to punch to make sense of this.9:32 AM Apr 16th from TweetDeck

BrianReed I’m sorry I posted the same spoiler as MTV, Newsarama, CBR, AM New York. I suck.12:11 AM Apr 16th from TweetDeck

Glinner Grdn Rmsay looks like an ordinance survey map projected onto a beige leather sofa with the stuffing coming out the top. (via @olibeale)11:52 PM Apr 15th from Tweetie

andrenavarro Mmm? Oh. Twitter’s working again, kind of like one works in between episodes of diarrhea.2:04 AM Apr 11th from web

serafinowicz Some sensations are unique. For instance, there’s nothing quite like that ‘new car’ taste.1:02 AM Apr 8th from Tweetie

theisb @raymondconlon Moore’s older, but Ellis has that cane. If Moore could duck to the side like in THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN, I think he wins10:29 PM Apr 2nd from web in reply to raymondconlon

neilhimself #myfavoritethingsthursday random scattered post-it notes from my daughter Maddy letting me know she "rockz", "is awesome" or even "da bomb".6:43 PM Apr 2nd from web

andrenavarro What? There’s a sixth "Saw" coming? Wasn’t the tagline of Saw V "You won’t believe how it (thankfully fucking) ends"?4:26 PM Apr 2nd from web

BrianReed Last post on the topic, but one of the best movie sound effects ever is the Ghostbusters backpack power up. Better than the lightsaber hum.7:15 PM Mar 31st from TweetDeck

andrenavarro "You might need to restart your computer after the installation". What do you mean, "might"? YOU’RE not sure?7:18 PM Mar 29th from web

jamesmoran Script: You can’t finish me by Friday, you suck. Me: I MADE YOU, I CAN DESTROY YOU. Script: Sorry master. Me: Damn right.4:11 PM Mar 18th from TweetDeck

Okay, I’ll be getting LITTLEBIGPLANET now.

     

ohhelpmegodjesusterriblefilmpain – DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION

I’m actually surprised at the awfulness on display here.

Having watched the original series’ (DRAGONBALL and DRAGONBALL Z) the announcement of the film filled me with a mixture of curiosity and dread.

How would they bring the crazy, energetic anime to life using actors?  WHY would they bring the crazy, energetic anime to life using actors?

Left in the dark with these and other thoughts, I waited patiently for more to come out about it.

Then…

JAMES MARSTERS IS IN IT? GUH?!  A good, likeable actor like himself involved in this production? Whoa.  Chow Yung Fat didn’t hit me as hard as that did. 

Strangely, this didn’t do much to settle my festering fears over the potential quality of the film, instead only deepening my puzzlement over what tone it would exude for it.

Next came the pics.  If I remember, they were of some kind of fighting ring (I guess/ I’m guessing the Tournament) and had nice, bright colours fit for a POWER RANGERS tv movie.  Ouch.  Harsh, but they just seemed to scream ‘cheap’ at me loudly and constantly.  Other films can get away with low production values, instead concentrating their energies on character development, story, good dialogue etc.

The source material has next to nothing of this.

Sorry, but in my mind from the very start the only proper transference to the big screen would be to play to the strengths of the anime:

THE MAD OVER THE TOP ACTION!

As such, big money would have to be obtained in order to set about realising the worldwide settings, the atomic explosion-scale destruction and intense, god-like battle that lay at the heart of the story’s appeal.

A counterpoint to that it DRAGONABLL, the very first series.  In it, Goku & co are only starting out in their long, decades-spanning adventure.  At this point, none display the cosmic-like power so easily thrown around in the following Z series.  Perhaps that could be used as an excuse, that the film is based primarily on the characters early, low-powered days (which, arguably, were the more interesting and riveting segments – gets kind of dull when each consecutive villain can destroy the Universe).  So then, character development, story, good dialogue etc WOULD have to be the major creative points for the film, replacing the sadly absent Michael Bay-scale effects.

Then the teaser, trailer, TV spots and the below monstrosities hit the net in quick succession. 

Oh god.

OH GOD.

Horribleness in the extreme – a kamahamaha of shit.

“Ohh, it might still be good.  Can’t always trust a trailer and –“

“No, Brain: gonna trust my bowel movement on this one and give it a big miss, I think.”

I include these spots because they provide the best glimpse I think into how this film is going to look.

PUTRID.

 

 

 

 

 

In conclusion: quite sad that this is how it ends, my association in all forms with DRAGONBALL.  Not with a bang, but with a poor motion picture.

From Rose Mary James – COMPUTER SCIENTIST

Spam email, how I’ve missed you!

 

Attention: Beneficiary,

Greetings to you and your families, it my privilege to reveal this secret to you as I sincerely sympathize with you for all you have passed through in pursuance of your inheritance payment.

My name is Mrs Rosemary James a computer scientist with central bank of Nigeria. I am 26 years old, just started work with C.B.N. I came across your file which was marked X and your

released disk painted RED, I took time to study it and found out that you have paid

VIRTUALLY all fees and certificate but the fund has not been release to you.

The most annoying thing is that they cannot tell you the truth that on no account will they ever release the fund to you, instead they let you spend money unnecessarily.

I do not intend to work here all the days of my life, I can release this fund to you if you can certify me of my security, and how I can run away from this Nigeria if I do this, because if I don’t run away from this country after i made the transfer, I will be seriously in trouble and my life will be in danger.

Please this is like a Mafia setting in Nigeria, you may not understand it because you are not a Nigerian. The only thing I will need to release this fund is a special HARD DISK we call it HD120 GIG. I will buy two of it, recopy your information, destroy the previous one, punch the computer to reflect in your bank within 24 banking hours. I will clean up the tracer and destroy your file, after which I will run away from Nigeria to meet with you.

If you are interested , do get in touch with me immediately on my

Private E-MAIL ADDRESS: (rosemaryjj@live.com ) or call me on my cell phone: +234-7033407082 for more clarifications concerning this development.

You should send to me your convenient tell/fax numbers for easy communications and also re confirm your complete data’s and your banking details, so that there won’t be any mistake.

Regards,

Mrs Rosemary James,

Computer Scientist

WRECKED

Might actually sleep soon. 

These are strange times indeed.

(Yep, random image of sleeping Iranians is necessary)

 

Twitter: Favourites

 

eddiecurrent@warrenellis They taste horrible. The pituitary gland, though…3 minutes ago from TwitterFox

warrenellisWhat do human adrenal glands taste like? Would they make a stimulating chew-snack, like coca leaves or betel? I’m considering farming them.6 minutes ago from twhirl

stephenfryThis is the point. One technology doesn’t replace another, it complements. Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators x21 minutes ago from web

andrenavarroI started reading Crooked Little Vein. One hour later, I have to stop so my guts won’t disintegrate from all the laughter.8:43 PM Mar 10th from web

andrenavarroSix-page comic script finished. That was much quicker than usual — my brain is being merciful today. It’ll probably have a stroke tomorrow.8:19 PM Mar 9th from web

BrianReedI want clones. Stacks of ‘em, lobotomized at birth & kept in storage until I need spare parts. I figure I’ll rebuild myself every 20 years.8:05 PM Mar 9th from TweetDeck

BrianReedIt was funny when I disabled all music but Final Countdown. Now it’s frightening.6:08 PM Mar 9th from Tweetie

antonyjohnstonMajor plus points for Play.com over Amazon – a real, easily found phone number for customer service. Nice.11:02 AM Mar 8th from twitterrific

warrenellisNice thing about drinking while doing IGNITION CITY scenes is you find you don’t worry about writing lines like "SCIENCE WILL FUCK YOU!"2:13 AM Mar 8th from twhirl

GlinnerRT: @danielmaier Think this hotel is haunted. Got back to the room and THE BED HAD BEEN MADE!5:23 PM Mar 6th from web

alandavies1Just put a CD on the turntable and tried to play it.Needle survived thankfully. Wife wasn’t expecting this sort of thing until around 2039..5:13 PM Mar 6th from web

steveburnettA bird has been attacking the windows on 3 sides of my room for 30min. I feel like I’m in a Hitchcock movie.4:25 PM Mar 6th from web

DrewAtHitFixLove the new "Trek" trailer. Love it without hesitation. Holy crap. Bring. It. On.6:36 AM Mar 6th from web

THE_REAL_SHAQWeee weee wha weee weee wha weee wee weeee what’s song is this11:31 PM Mar 5th from TwitterBerry

ominousoatA friend was asking me why I thought The Punisher was so awesome. I explained that The Punisher once killed the entire Marvel universe.8:30 PM Mar 5th from web

Gary_JoeLooks like I won’t be able to play anymore GRID tonight, going to try and finish Watchmen before Tomorrow, CAN’T WAIT!!!7:50 PM Mar 5th from web

BrianReedZombie sharks. They don’t need to swim since they don’t need to breathe. They drive around in pickup trucks and eat you on land. #zombietalk6:53 PM Mar 5th from TweetDeck

TheOnionRare Species Of Frog May Hold Cure To Ah, Never Mind, It’s Extinct http://bit.ly/x8zgh4:53 PM Mar 5th from twitterfeed

TemplesmithNote to terrorists: If you’re going to attack a sport like the testicularly negative ppl you are, choose something more popular than cricket11:43 PM Mar 4th from web

ominousoatFor those wondering, Bowie was a class act all the way, by far the finest shapeless horror from beyond I have ever been sacrificed to.

• warrenellisAm now at home slumped under a tarpaulin wearing nothing but welding goggles, ultraviolet burns and petroleum jelly. Time to start writing.2:05 PM Mar 2nd from twhirl

• warrenellis@Emmavieceli The sun has been my mortal enemy for many years and I, like Monty Burns, have always longed to destroy it.2:00 PM Mar 2nd from twhirl

• phil_lunt@raymondconlon it’s good for your confidence, sometimes…4:10 PM Mar 1st from web

• andydiggle@raymondconlon Nice one, ta.3:05 AM Feb 23rd from twitterrific

• andrenavarroNatalie Portman and Joaquin Phoenix, the latter pretending to be nuts.2:32 AM Feb 23rd from web

• andrenavarroCeremony just fell off a cliff regarding quality.2:29 AM Feb 23rd from web

• andrenavarroA horse just walked into the st — oh, it’s Parker. Sorry.2:16 AM Feb 23rd from web

• mattfractionSo the reader CAN’T read? Spoilers, oscars. god.2:01 AM Feb 23rd from web

• andrenavarro"Enjoy the oscars, everyone!" I will now that you’re offscreen.1:28 AM Feb 23rd from web

• edkayeThis new Canadian Flash Gordon T.V. series that I am watching is worse than watching cats eat their own shit!2:00 AM Feb 22nd from iTweet

• RichLovatt@raymondconlon Yep. Only at the credits though – I’ll be as nonspoilery as I can!2:06 AM Feb 19th from web

• warrenellis@jimsells Eat shit and die, spammer.2:23 AM Feb 13th from twhirl

• raymondconlonhttp://tinyurl.com/ctzzud like the Hypno Frog, except reversed and a dog12:05 AM Jan 29th from web

• fragmadFor the first time in five years i feel like kicking the shit out of someone. But i am wearing the wrong shoes.10:23 PM Jan 28th from txt

• bigligSpent the first day of the new year wrestling with one of the great problems of our time: what to do regarding iTunes Album Art for singles.7:36 PM Jan 1st from twhirl

• THE_REAL_SHAQEven the aliens no me, da ones real far, i speak to em like ibadablaa, Jigamagla, bockeraaa1:26 AM Dec 14th, 2008 from txt

• raymondconlonCosmic Panorama Of Infinite Magik Non-Consequence Timeline/Listening To Pink Floyd.10:06 PM Oct 11th, 2008 from web

• Gary_Joe@raymondconlon Why does everyone think I am Angry tonight??? – My God I invite you people up to my House and you hardly ever repay me..9:27 PM Oct 10th, 2008 from web

Went For A Walk Today

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WATCHMEN: The Saturday Morning Cartoon

This is FANTASTIC!

Watch.